Not Now, Maybe Later
I remember sitting nervously in church as a teenager because I was desperately trying to keep out of the eye range of the preacher. I frantically looked around for my nearest exit without drawing attention to myself.
He had gone into to final section of his sermon that made me extremely uncomfortable: Heaven and Hell. I needed to make a sharp exit, but if I walked out for a convenient toilet break it would be really obvious to everyone in the room that I was trying to escape another altar call again.
"Here we go again" I thought to myself. He continued to talk about God’s love for us but I didn't completely get it. Wasn't the love I received from my family enough? He went on to say that God had the plans for our lives in His hands and that we had a special purpose. "A special purpose? Yeah right!" I thought to myself.
But then, my heart prompted me to go up to the front but the thought of everyone glaring at me caused me to keep still. It felt as if my feet were glued to the ground. My head was saying: “You've got too much to sort out before you can commit to anything like this”. So I listened to my thoughts while I continued to keep as still as possible to make sure that no one would realise I was battling with my indecisiveness, but it didn't work. My plans of going undetected had failed miserably!
From experience, I’ve noticed there's always that one brother or sister in the church who manages to pick certain people out on their radar when it comes to time for an altar call. If you are unfamiliar to an altar call, this event usually takes place after a sermon is preached. It’s an opportunity for people to come to the front to receive prayers and it also gives those who haven’t made a commitment to follow God the chance to do so. Anyway, a sister from the congregation started to head towards me and there was absolutely nowhere to hide.
She took me by the hand and led me straight to the front. I knew her intentions were good, but at that point in time, I just didn't want to be there. There were too many things that were whizzing around in my mind. I could think of many reasons for saying no to the call of God and only one reason for saying yes, and even that reason seemed to a be little unclear. I felt I had to put my foot down before I ended up committing to something that I would regret later on.
The sister went on to tell me that Jesus died for me, but I didn't fully understand what she meant. I had heard this statement a million times before, but I still couldn't figure out why Jesus would want to die for someone who doesn’t even want to follow Him. Nothing seemed to make any sense.
The sister looked me straight in the eye and asked me where I would spend in eternity if I continued to reject God’s call, and because I didn't want to accept the truth by answering honestly, I just shrugged my shoulders as a sign to say that I was unsure. I didn't know where her question had come from because I didn't hear or feel that God was calling me, but if she was right about this, why was God calling me anyway? I took a glance at the people in the room dressed in their hats and Sunday best while they were praying and crying out to God and I quickly came to the conclusion that I was nothing like them.
I began to question God by asking: “Is this what you are calling me to become Lord? Is this really your plan for my life? To be honest with you, it doesn’t look very exciting. You can't be calling me, not now God; I’m just not ready for all of this. Can’t you see that I’m the type of person who starts a lot of things but never quite manages to finish them. I’m not like the other church people and I don’t even know how to pray properly. What will happen if I regret making the decision to follow you tomorrow; how will I get out of it? How would I explain this to everyone else? What about all of the things that I would have to give up? My life would be completely boring.”
At that point in time the sister started praying for me, which was nice, but then I started to cry! I needed to get a hold of myself! I blamed my emotional behaviour on the soft music and the typical church atmosphere. Looking back today, I realise that this was the work of the Holy Spirit.
I had a goal and this was to make it back to my seat as quickly as possible, so I fought against what I thought were my emotions, stopped crying and I dried my tears. I shut my eyes to make it look as if I was praying to avoid making eye contact, but she continued to pray so I had no other choice but to listen. I tried to block out her convincing words by thinking up more reasons to support my argument for saying no.
Eventually the room became quiet as the prayers ceased and the service drew to an end. The sister told me that she would continue to pray for me and gave me a hug. I then walked back to my seat to collect my things and I quickly said goodbye to everyone. As I walked towards the exit, I said to myself: “Not now Chantelle, maybe later.”
Today, I thank God for His patience and mercy, He did not give up on me. The question is can you afford to delay the call of God any further? How much time do you have left to start your walk with God?
A wealthy woman phoned a manager of a concert hall and asked, “Have you found a diamond pendant? I think I may have lost it somewhere in the building last night.” The manager replied, “No, we haven't but we will take a look now for you. Please hold the line.” After several minutes of searching, one of the members of staff found the pendant. The manager rushed back to the phone and said, “We have some very good news for you. We have found it! Hello…hello…hello…” The woman had hung up! She never called back and her diamond pendant was never claimed! Do not miss out on what God has in store for you! God is calling you today! How long have you got left to answer His call? Was this your final chance? Jesus is REAL! Get to know Him for yourself and experience a personal relationship with Him. Remember all you need to do to be saved is repent, believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead and confess that Jesus is Lord and Saviour. Read Romans 10:9-11. Start your exciting new journey!
Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near. Isaiah 55:6 KJV
Please note that the altar call described above is a combined account of my experiences during my teenage years.
Great Expectations
Guys, guess what? I approached a stranger today and briefly told them about my walk with God; I even managed to share a part of my testimony. You're probably thinking to yourself: "That's no big deal, shouldn't all Christians do that?” Well, sadly this is something that I’ve been struggling with. My fear of rejection had hindered me from evangelising, but today God gave me the boldness to just go for it. I was so elated that I felt as if I was walking on water. I just couldn't believe that I actually did it; I had achieved my good deed for the day.
When I'm at home, I'm usually lumbered with the delightful task of tidying the room for my two sons who are aged three and six; however, a few weeks ago, I decided to ask the boys to do it themselves. I left them alone to get the job done and after about 10 minutes, they came running down the stairs shouting: "Mummy, mummy, come and look at our room now."
I opened the door to see their bedroom looking somewhat tidier; however, a few of their toys were hanging out of the drawers and some were still left on the floor in the corner of the room.
Their massive ecstatic grins told me that they eagerly awaited praise for a job well done because in their eyes, they did the best job that they could do. Even though my boys didn't clean the room to my standard, I still gave them a hug and let them know that I was very proud. I could tell that they tried their best; however, as they get older, I will expect more from my children when it comes to cleaning up after themselves.
These are my babies, thank you Lord for my family.
Sometimes when we achieve something great for the Lord, we perceive this as a job well done and this can cause us to feel as if we don't have to make an effort to aspire for anything greater.
We must remember that God is our creator; therefore He owes us nothing. God will expect more of us as we grow in Christ. This walk will continue until we reach our final destination which is Heaven. There's always going to be deeper depths and higher heights to reach. It's not time for us to put up our feet just yet.
To those of you, who have accomplished great things for the Lord, I'd like to say well done, but what's your next challenge?
“So then, brothers and sisters, we ask and encourage you in the Lord Jesus to keep living the way you already are and even do better in how you live and please God—just as you learned from us.”
1 Thessalonians 4:1 CEB
Welcome to my Walk
I was brought up in church, so grew up knowing all about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Christianity protocol. However, even when I reached my early twenties, I still didn't feel ready to make that step to confess that Jesus died, rose against and was my saviour.
Truth be told, I was afraid! Don't get me wrong, I liked church; after all it was a big part of not only my life, but also my family's life, but if I can be honest with you, I found it boring.
Each and every time I refused to take the first step towards my walk with God wasn't about wanting to be rebellious or purposely wanting to reject God because I believed in Jesus. At that point in time, I was just more concerned with my personal issues. I worried about having to managing all of the baggage and pressure that came along with being a Christian . All I could see in front of me were more rules and regulations and I imagined myself struggling with an endless list of things that I would have to stop doing.
The church hats, long skirts, the thought of reading the bible day in, day out and even sometimes the miserable faces put me off wanting to commit. I didn't mind having to go to church on a Sunday morning but the thought of living "the church life" terrified me.
I heard very convincing sermons during those days, however, the thought of saying "yes" made me feel uncomfortable because I knew I wouldn't be able to take my "yes" back if I decided to change my mind because of the pressure that would come with having to live up to other people's expectations.
It seems funny now, but I used to think that once I made the commitment to starting my walk, I would have to become a boring God loving robot who loves to be in church twenty-four seven and walks around saying: "God loves you my brother or sister."
I also felt that I wasn't like other saved people in church. They all seemed to have it together and they all appeared to love God and the church life. Back then, I didn't really think I was talented. I feared rejection so I didn't really like to go up to the front to talk, read or pray, and if I started my walk, it would mean that I would have to step outside of my comfort zone.
Boredom was a major concern of mine. What would I do if I ended up feeling stuck? Becoming a Christian meant to me that I would have to exchange my time spent having a good time with my friends in clubs and bars for bible classes and prayer meetings and if I really wanted to go wild and have a good time the only acceptable option available to me would be a weekend away at a convention. I also thought, that after a while, all Christians eventually became clones of each other. Even though I had low self esteem issues during that time in my life, I still wanted to be just Chantelle. The title of "Sister Chantelle" seemed way too heavy. I was confused, eventually I knew that God was calling me but I didn't understand why God wanted to call someone like me to walk with Him, especially when I felt so negatively towards becoming a Christian? I guess I felt that I didn't deserve Him because I felt so different in comparison to the other Christians around me at the time.
Ok, enough of my rambling, let's get back to you. If you are someone who used to be like me, I know exactly how it feels to be sitting on the fence when it comes to making up your mind about saying yes to God.
Perhaps you know that God is calling you because He wants you to have a closer walk with Him but maybe you feel as if you aren't ready. You may have things going on in your life that has created a barrier between yourself and God. Possibly the thought of committing to something that you may want to get out of later on down the line of sounds like a lot of pressure.
Whatever the reason, I'm glad you decided to stop by today. Sitting on the fence could even mean that you've said yes to starting your walk with God but you haven't been making much progress.
I've chosen to mention this on my blog today because I started my walk with God about 9 years ago but I have only come to realise in the last few years that I have actually moved from where I started. I wasn't really making any progression, who knows, maybe I was just walking around in circles rather than moving forward. I just don't want YOU to waste as much time as I did, I don't want YOU to be worrying about stuff like I was. The whole purpose of this blog is to encourage, motivate and challenge you.
Your walk is a personal one, no one can force you to start it but I'd really love it if you would stick around and continue to read as I walk with God and hopefully it will encourage you to start a walk of your own.
This blog is for ANYONE including people who are just curious about God, others who don't feel that they are ready to make a commitment and also readers who are already saved but feel they are bored, stuck or want to have a closer walk with God.
Start walking :-)