Not Now, Maybe Later
I remember sitting nervously in church as a teenager because I was desperately trying to keep out of the eye range of the preacher. I frantically looked around for my nearest exit without drawing attention to myself.
He had gone into to final section of his sermon that made me extremely uncomfortable: Heaven and Hell. I needed to make a sharp exit, but if I walked out for a convenient toilet break it would be really obvious to everyone in the room that I was trying to escape another altar call again.
"Here we go again" I thought to myself. He continued to talk about God’s love for us but I didn't completely get it. Wasn't the love I received from my family enough? He went on to say that God had the plans for our lives in His hands and that we had a special purpose. "A special purpose? Yeah right!" I thought to myself.
But then, my heart prompted me to go up to the front but the thought of everyone glaring at me caused me to keep still. It felt as if my feet were glued to the ground. My head was saying: “You've got too much to sort out before you can commit to anything like this”. So I listened to my thoughts while I continued to keep as still as possible to make sure that no one would realise I was battling with my indecisiveness, but it didn't work. My plans of going undetected had failed miserably!
From experience, I’ve noticed there's always that one brother or sister in the church who manages to pick certain people out on their radar when it comes to time for an altar call. If you are unfamiliar to an altar call, this event usually takes place after a sermon is preached. It’s an opportunity for people to come to the front to receive prayers and it also gives those who haven’t made a commitment to follow God the chance to do so. Anyway, a sister from the congregation started to head towards me and there was absolutely nowhere to hide.
She took me by the hand and led me straight to the front. I knew her intentions were good, but at that point in time, I just didn't want to be there. There were too many things that were whizzing around in my mind. I could think of many reasons for saying no to the call of God and only one reason for saying yes, and even that reason seemed to a be little unclear. I felt I had to put my foot down before I ended up committing to something that I would regret later on.
The sister went on to tell me that Jesus died for me, but I didn't fully understand what she meant. I had heard this statement a million times before, but I still couldn't figure out why Jesus would want to die for someone who doesn’t even want to follow Him. Nothing seemed to make any sense.
The sister looked me straight in the eye and asked me where I would spend in eternity if I continued to reject God’s call, and because I didn't want to accept the truth by answering honestly, I just shrugged my shoulders as a sign to say that I was unsure. I didn't know where her question had come from because I didn't hear or feel that God was calling me, but if she was right about this, why was God calling me anyway? I took a glance at the people in the room dressed in their hats and Sunday best while they were praying and crying out to God and I quickly came to the conclusion that I was nothing like them.
I began to question God by asking: “Is this what you are calling me to become Lord? Is this really your plan for my life? To be honest with you, it doesn’t look very exciting. You can't be calling me, not now God; I’m just not ready for all of this. Can’t you see that I’m the type of person who starts a lot of things but never quite manages to finish them. I’m not like the other church people and I don’t even know how to pray properly. What will happen if I regret making the decision to follow you tomorrow; how will I get out of it? How would I explain this to everyone else? What about all of the things that I would have to give up? My life would be completely boring.”
At that point in time the sister started praying for me, which was nice, but then I started to cry! I needed to get a hold of myself! I blamed my emotional behaviour on the soft music and the typical church atmosphere. Looking back today, I realise that this was the work of the Holy Spirit.
I had a goal and this was to make it back to my seat as quickly as possible, so I fought against what I thought were my emotions, stopped crying and I dried my tears. I shut my eyes to make it look as if I was praying to avoid making eye contact, but she continued to pray so I had no other choice but to listen. I tried to block out her convincing words by thinking up more reasons to support my argument for saying no.
Eventually the room became quiet as the prayers ceased and the service drew to an end. The sister told me that she would continue to pray for me and gave me a hug. I then walked back to my seat to collect my things and I quickly said goodbye to everyone. As I walked towards the exit, I said to myself: “Not now Chantelle, maybe later.”
Today, I thank God for His patience and mercy, He did not give up on me. The question is can you afford to delay the call of God any further? How much time do you have left to start your walk with God?
A wealthy woman phoned a manager of a concert hall and asked, “Have you found a diamond pendant? I think I may have lost it somewhere in the building last night.” The manager replied, “No, we haven't but we will take a look now for you. Please hold the line.” After several minutes of searching, one of the members of staff found the pendant. The manager rushed back to the phone and said, “We have some very good news for you. We have found it! Hello…hello…hello…” The woman had hung up! She never called back and her diamond pendant was never claimed! Do not miss out on what God has in store for you! God is calling you today! How long have you got left to answer His call? Was this your final chance? Jesus is REAL! Get to know Him for yourself and experience a personal relationship with Him. Remember all you need to do to be saved is repent, believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead and confess that Jesus is Lord and Saviour. Read Romans 10:9-11. Start your exciting new journey!
Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near. Isaiah 55:6 KJV
Please note that the altar call described above is a combined account of my experiences during my teenage years.
Write the Vision, Make it Plain - My Testimony
Three years ago, I sat on the edge of my bed feeling really confused. I was unsure about what God was calling me to do and I had a million and one unanswered questions going around in my mind. This was particularly difficult time in my walk because something inside of me had changed; for some reason all I wanted to do was write about God - I just craved to be in His presence.
I would do anything I could, just to feel close to Him. “What direction am I heading in Lord?” I asked without expecting Him to answer.
As I was sitting there alone, out of nowhere, I heard a small voice telling me to write everything that was on my mind down. I followed the instructions even though I thought the voice I heard was just the product of my overactive imagination.
I also added a few things to my list that I was hoping for, but when I reflected on these that I had wrote down, I felt disheartened because they seemed far from possible.
Moments later, I received an invitation by text message to go to a prayer meeting that same evening. I wrestled with the idea of going at first because my son was a newborn and the prayer meeting started at 9pm and finished around 12am; not to mention it was absolutely freezing outside, but for some reason I felt a strong urge to go. Back then, I really disliked prayer meetings because I struggled with praying out loud but this urge overpowered that.
As my son was only 5 months old at the time, I knew exactly what people would be thinking when they saw me dragging him out in the winter at that time of night, but I just needed to be there but I didn't know why.
Anyway, a few hours later, I arrived at the church and as I stood outside with my baby in one hand wrapped up in his car seat and my baby bag in the other, I thought to myself: "What are you doing Chantelle?" "God, do you even want me here, why am I even here?"
During the prayer meeting the Holy Spirit moved powerfully. People were being delivered and set free, it was fantastic to watch but I just felt like an outsider looking in. "What about me?" I cried out to God from the inside.
It was just after midnight when there was a call for the final closing prayer and I was left feeling completely deflated because I thought that God had deliberately rejected me.
As I was getting ready to pack up my things and walk away, a woman called out my name, she took me by the hand and the Lord revealed to her what I had written down earlier. She spent time sharing what God was saying concerning my issues. Right at that moment my life had changed.
Here's some brief information about the items that were on my list from February 2013:
1. It wasn't really public knowledge about my writing as I had only just started to write, but that morning the Lord confirmed that my writing would change lives.
2. I felt like I was chasing after God and He seemed to take priority over a lot of stuff in my life and I thought that I was chasing after God aimlessly. God confirmed that He saw it all and called me faithful.
3. A few weeks prior to this experience, I was going through a very difficult time and God spoke to me and clearly said: "I will make a way." However, as far as I was concerned, there was no way out of the situation I was facing back then and I desperately needed to take action myself, but I just couldn't shake the voice that I heard. I decided to hold tightly onto those words He spoke that day and I put my trust in God. At the prayer meeting the Lord confirmed He was saw my heart because He said: "You trusted me when you could have taken matters into your own hands.” I trusted in God and He made a way out of no way for me. I will share this story on another blog soon!
4. God also said that promotion doesn't come from the east or west but it comes from Him and this year I got a promotion at work.
There were more items on my list but I think you get the idea. I am a living testimony that God will answer our prayers, even if it's in written format. Even when you think He's not there, He's right by your side. You are not alone!
Write the vision make it plain, well, what are you waiting for get your phone, laptop, tablet or a pen and paper and start writing!
And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. Habakkuk 2:2 KJV
Hello, is anyone out there? Please comment and share your testimony.
When I Struggle to Leave my Past in the Past
Last night, I started to work on this website and I was feeling excited about using my gift of writing to encourage someone else. But as I was driving to work I started thinking about all of the foolish things that I've said and done in my past.
I cringed at the thought of God actually watching my behaviour and listening to the rubbish that came out of my mouth. Even though I repented for these things years ago, the thoughts of what I said and did still managed to come to back to try and make me relive the guilt.
I quickly came to realise that these thoughts were not from God because He had already forgiven me, so where did they actually come from?
satan was trying to drag me down. I had to quickly put my foot down, if I gave him a foot hold, I would have probably spent the day feeling low which could have almost likely resulted in putting a stop to creating this blog. Ephesians 4:37 tells me that I shouldn't give satan an opportunity to come in, so I had to stop him in his tracks right there and then by believing what God said in His word about forgiveness and understanding that I already possess the power and authority to reject lies from satan.
““So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper.”
James 4:7
The Message”
I just want you to know that your past is not a surprise to God as He is the creator of all living things and He has seen it all before. The Bible is proof of this.
Jeremiah 31:3 tells us that God said: “I've never stopped loving you and never will. Look forward to my continuous love!” God's love for us is eternal, it did not end when you turned your back on Him, when you made those silly mistakes, when everyone else turned their backs on you or when others hurt and rejected you. There is nothing you can do to stop Him from loving you. If you have been given a specific task to do for God, keep pushing on and don't let the thoughts of your past abort your dreams and visions.
In the Bible, Hagar got herself into serious trouble! She was left alone with her son in the wilderness because she had an illegitimate child with Abraham who was already married! Abraham’s wife, Sarah, couldn't have children and Hagar was promised that if she gave Abraham a son, they would be looked after. When things went wrong, she found herself alone with her son. Hagar more than likely felt used and rejected. Her situation probably made her feel worthless like a piece of old furniture that was tossed into the street and forgotten about. She turned to God for help and He heard her desperate cry and promised that a great nation would come from her child, Ishmael also. (Read Genesis 21:10-21)
Rehab was a prostitute and God saved her just because she had faith in Him (Read Hebrews 11:31)
Zacchaeus was a tax collector who was a cheat because he would collect more tax than what was required and kept the extra for himself to become rich. God saved him because he sought after Jesus and was willing to change. (Read Luke 19: 1-10)
The woman of Samaria had five husbands and the man that she was with at the time when she met Jesus was not even one of them! God saved her because she had a desire for a new life with Jesus. (Read St John 4:1-42)
In each of these situations everyone had different reasons for seeking God. The Lord did not judge them by their past or their situations. He looked beyond their faults and just saw their needs and now, God is ready to do something new in your life. So you can no longer allow your past to determine your future.
It's time to let go and move forward - start walking.
Great Expectations
Guys, guess what? I approached a stranger today and briefly told them about my walk with God; I even managed to share a part of my testimony. You're probably thinking to yourself: "That's no big deal, shouldn't all Christians do that?” Well, sadly this is something that I’ve been struggling with. My fear of rejection had hindered me from evangelising, but today God gave me the boldness to just go for it. I was so elated that I felt as if I was walking on water. I just couldn't believe that I actually did it; I had achieved my good deed for the day.
When I'm at home, I'm usually lumbered with the delightful task of tidying the room for my two sons who are aged three and six; however, a few weeks ago, I decided to ask the boys to do it themselves. I left them alone to get the job done and after about 10 minutes, they came running down the stairs shouting: "Mummy, mummy, come and look at our room now."
I opened the door to see their bedroom looking somewhat tidier; however, a few of their toys were hanging out of the drawers and some were still left on the floor in the corner of the room.
Their massive ecstatic grins told me that they eagerly awaited praise for a job well done because in their eyes, they did the best job that they could do. Even though my boys didn't clean the room to my standard, I still gave them a hug and let them know that I was very proud. I could tell that they tried their best; however, as they get older, I will expect more from my children when it comes to cleaning up after themselves.
These are my babies, thank you Lord for my family.
Sometimes when we achieve something great for the Lord, we perceive this as a job well done and this can cause us to feel as if we don't have to make an effort to aspire for anything greater.
We must remember that God is our creator; therefore He owes us nothing. God will expect more of us as we grow in Christ. This walk will continue until we reach our final destination which is Heaven. There's always going to be deeper depths and higher heights to reach. It's not time for us to put up our feet just yet.
To those of you, who have accomplished great things for the Lord, I'd like to say well done, but what's your next challenge?
“So then, brothers and sisters, we ask and encourage you in the Lord Jesus to keep living the way you already are and even do better in how you live and please God—just as you learned from us.”
1 Thessalonians 4:1 CEB
Odd One Out - Church Girls in a Club
Good Morning. I'm just about to get ready for church today, before I go, I would like to share an eye-opening event from my past with you.
Well, here goes... Have a blessed day!
By the time I was 18 years old, my main focus was to try and figure out what career path I should take. As I was still living at home with my parents, I continued to attend church on a regular basis and I even managed to attend Sunday school and conventions. I was doing just enough to blend in with the crowd at church.
In my mind, I thought that everything was ok with God and I because I was doing all of the basic practical things that pleased Him. Strangely enough, I believed He understood that this was just not the right time for me to make a commitment.
After asking God to help me with my driving test; I passed on my second attempt. Not only did He answer my prayer but He also blessed me with my first car.
My friends and I were planning a big night out, it was supposed to be amazing. What made that night out so special, was the fact that we now had our own transport. We were going to be traveling in style to the club in my second hand, 1 litre, metallic blue Nissan Micra.
The evening for our wild night finally came and I just couldn't wait for the church service to be over so I could make a sharp exit to get home, get changed, pick up my girls and hit the road. There was definitely no time for an altar call that evening.
““That night we weren’t labelled as those three girls from church. We were just Chantelle, Geneetta and Michelle.””
When we got to the club were having great time and by looking at us, you would never know that we were daughters of an Elder, a Minister and a Youth President. We were feeling good because that night we weren't labelled as those three girls from church, we are just Chantelle, Geneetta and Michelle - 3 young ladies who were out to have a good time just like the other ladies in the crowd.
So, there we were in the middle of the club having the time of our lives when all of a sudden we heard loud gun shots. People were screaming, panicking and trampling on one another to get to the nearest exit. We grabbed a hold of each other and raced to the car as quickly as we could. We jumped into my car and instantaneously started praying. Now, I'm not talking about a small prayer like: "Thank you Lord for keeping us safe. Amen." I mean we are really praying from the bottom of our hearts.
We ended the night by sitting in the car talking about how good God was to us. Not long after, I found myself tucked up in bed hours earlier than I originally planned. So much for a wild night out!
Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colours in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.
St. Matthew 5: 14-16 (The Message)
That night we realised that no matter where we were or how we were dressed, there was something different about us. There was something deep down inside that we couldn't shake off. We looked like all of the other ladies in the club, but something told us that we were different.
Sometimes you may feel as if your the odd one out, but please don't feel bad about it. There's a reason why you can't just blend in with the crowd and it's simply because your not supposed to. God has put something deep down in you too. Start a closer walk with Him today so you can figure out what your purpose is and then you'll know what God has actually called you to do.
Today Michelle (left) is the author of Dead Man Walking and she is going strong in her walk with God. Michelle is founder and Director of Toolbox which is a company that specialises in healthy relationships. Geneetta (right) was the first one out of us to start her walk with God and Michelle and I followed shortly after. She is currently setting up her ministry and business ventures with her husband in Scotland.
Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 (The Message)